Episode 34

JASON and BOBBY are talking with their pledgees, SPHINXMAN MARTIN and SPHINXMAN FRANK.

JASON - Fellas...

SPHINXMEN - Yes Dean Hazin' Jazin'.

JASON - It was extremely valuable to me and my lb's to talk to our prophytes. All of em. Bobby, Reg, even Dante and especially Nino. So I want you to value this time. You know what I'm sayin'?

SPHINXMEN - Yes Dean Hazin' Jazin'.

JASON - Ask Bobby whatever you want. Do what he says do. I'm gonna roll out and take care of some homework and some other shit. You got my number. See yall later.

SPHINXMEN - Goodbye Dean, our best friend and...

JASON - Yeah yeah yeah, yall don't mean it.

(BOBBY laughs as JASON walks out.)

BOBBY - Aight guys, let's talk.

SPHINXMEN - Yes Big Brot...

BOBBY - Stop. Stop.

(silence)

BOBBY - Okay listen up. This session is real special. This is something that me and Reggie and Nino did, this is something that Jason and Q and Larry did and this is something that Frank and Martin are gonna do. You sit down with the older bros in the chapter and you talk. No big brother shit. No little Sphinxman stuff. Just straight talk. Okay?

(MARTIN and FRANK look at each other a little confused.)

BOBBY - Okay?

MARTIN - So...

BOBBY - What I'm sayin' is this. Don't call me big brother right now. Just call me Bobby.

(silence)

FRANK - And this isn't a test?

BOBBY - First of all stupid, if it was a test, would I tell you that its a test?

(BOBBY laughs.)

BOBBY - But seriously man, no its not a test. Call me Bobby. Right now, you guys are Frank and Martin. And the reason we do this every year is simple. I'm graduating. I'm leaving my beloved chapter in your hands. I want to know who the hell I am leaving my frat with. I want to respect you guys and grip you when I come back for homecoming. Not because you got A Phi A on your shirts. But because you guys are my brothers and I know you and love you. You feel me?

(FRANK hesitates but MARTIN answers.)

MARTIN - Yeah, I feel you.

BOBBY - Thank you. Now look, this is probably the one time you get to ask me whatever you want. I won't shrink back from any questions. You know what I'm sayin'?

MARTIN - Yeah I hea ya.

FRANK thinks - Wait, this is a test!

BOBBY - So let's talk. How you guys feeling so far? Frank first because you still lookin' at me shady.

FRANK - Well... um... I'm looking forward to the brotherhood and the opportunity to...

BOBBY - Nigga shut up! I told you I don't want no textbook answers! I want the real you. Just talk to me.

(BOBBY laughs.)

BOBBY - Martin, how you feelin'?

MARTIN - I'm gonna keep it real.

BOBBY - Please do.

MARTIN - I can't wait til I get off line. This mess is gettin' on my nerves!

(BOBBY laughs as does MARTIN. FRANK chimes in with a chuckle.)

BOBBY - Now that's real. Line got on my nerves too but worse than yall.

MARTIN - How so?

BOBBY - Because I'm a smart alek. I gotta have the last word and I hate being beat. So bros used to test me all the time. That nigga Donte hated me! Ha ha ha ha!

MARTIN - And that's the wrong bro to have hating you huh?

BOBBY - Nigga hell yeah! So I got a lot of flack because of that. But its all good now cuz thats my boy. And yall gonna be my boys too right?

MARTIN - Yeah.

FRANK - Yeah, we are.

BOBBY - So yall got any questions for me while you can ask em?

FRANK - Ummm... let me think.

BOBBY - Oh come on, it can't be all that hard.

MARTIN - Actually, I got one.

BOBBY - Good. What's up?

MARTIN - Okay, I really didn't know how to handle... well, let me just ask the question.

BOBBY - Go head.

MARTIN - Um... do you know this AKA named Mona?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SHARONDA walks her cousin MIYA downstairs.

KIM - What the hell happened upstairs? What was all that noise?

SHARONDA - I took care of it. Everything is fine.

KIM - Okay cool. I hope you've collected yourself Lip.

(MIYA joins her line sisters.)

KIM - Look ladies. You've already embarassed me in front of frat with your greetings. Please please don't do anything else stupid okay? All I want you to do is get this house in order. You know how guys are, its sloppy here.

BRANDON - Hey!

KIM - Well it is. There are cleaning supplies in the kitchen. I want this house so clean you can eat off the floor. Do I make myself clear?

PLEDGEES - Yes Miss Dean the Blue Pledgees Dream!

KIM - Rhonda?

(The pledgees scurry off into the kitchen.)

KIM - Is Miya okay? What happened?

(LEAH walks over.)

SHARONDA - She's fine. She's a little sleepy so when I left her upstairs, she actually fell asleep standing up and fell over. But she's okay.

KIM - Lord!

LEAH - The last thing we need is girls passing out.

KIM - Yeah. I'll make sure they get some rest after this.

(SETH and AHMAD walk into the kitchen where the girls just went.)

SETH - Hello ladies.

PLEDGEES - Hello big brother.

SETH - Uh uh uh... from now on, call me Big Brother Smooth Cool Blue and True.

ADA - Yes Big Brother Smooth Blu... uh I mean...

MIYA - Yes Big Brother Smooth Cool True....

LAUREL - Yes Big Brother Cool Blue... uh...

TAMMI - Yes Big Brother Cool Smooth Blue Truth.

SETH - Oh brother.

AHMAD - How about smooth blue fool?

SETH - Shut up.

(AHMAD laughs. MIYA snickers until TAMMI elbows her.)

AHMAD - Just call me Maad. Keep it simple.

PLEDGEES - Yes Big Brother Maad.

SETH - How corny is that?

AHMAD - But I bet they remember it and can say it! And if yall need anything, just let me know. The cleaning stuff is under the sink and there are gloves here too.

PLEDGEES - Thank you Big Brother Maad.

AHMAD - Your welcome ladies.Come on man.

SETH - What?

AHMAD - Let's leave them alone so they can get to work.

SETH - Leave em alone? I wanna stay in here and get to know em a little better.

AHMAD - We'll have plenty of time for that. Calm your hormones.

SETH - Hormones?

(AHMAD laughs as he pushes SETH toward the door, and back into the living room.)

SETH - Hey!

AHMAD - Like I said, calm down. You act like you aint never seen a girl before.

SETH - Hell! I haven't! Not one that will do whatever I say! Sheesh!

AHMAD - But wouldn't you rather haev a girl do what you say because she is diggin' you?

(silence)

SETH - No!

(They laugh.)

AHMAD - Just chill. They're gonna be here the rest of the night. We got plenty of time to holla at them.

SETH - Yeah man, whatever. Be right back.

AHMAD - Aight.

(SETH starts to walk up the stairs.)

BRANDON - Where you going?

SETH - Bathroom. Wanna come?

BRANDON - Shut up and hurry up. I hope you aint gonna blow it up!

(SETH laughs as he gets to the top stair.)

SETH thinks - Is somebody in the bathroom? Why is the door closed?

(SETH walks to the door and knocks.)

SETH - Hey, somebody in here?

(silence)

SETH thinks - Empty.

(He grabs the door knob but when he tries to open the door, he realizes there is someone inside holding the door closed.)

SETH - Is someone in there? My bad...

(silence)

(silence)

(He grabs the door again but cannot open it.)

SETH thinks - What the heck?

SETH - Who's in there? Speak up?

(silence)

(SETH puts his shoulder against the door and pushes. The door begins to slide open.)

SETH - Who the hell is in there.

(As the door opens, he hears a voice from the inside.)

MONA - Wait! Wait! I'm not dressed!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BOBBY - Mona? Yeah, why?

MARTIN - Well, two reasons. First of all, I'm trying to figure out why nobody knows who this Mona person is. Why she isn't recognized with the AKAs. Because they don't seem to acknowledge her at all.

BOBBY - O... kay. And your other reason?

MARTIN - Well... I want to know what the Zetas have against her.

BOBBY - The Zetas? What are you talking about?

FRANK thinks - What is this about?

MARTIN - I met this girl, when I was on one of my assignments. She's on line for Zeta right now.

FRANK - The Zetas have a line? We got some Zeta sands?

BOBBY - She cute?

MARTIN - Yeah, real cute. So I talked to her but we obviously didn't have a lot of time.

BOBBY - You hit it?

MARTIN - No!

BOBBY - Don't lie pledgee cuz I'll wood you up!

MARTIN - Uh...

BOBBY - I'm just kidding man! Ha ha ha ha ha! I got you didn't I!

MARTIN - Yeah...

BOBBY - But seriously... you didn't see her naked or anything?

MARTIN - Dude, we were in McDonalds!

BOBBY - I messed around with this chick in the Burger King once. She was working on fries and I... nevermind!

(MARTIN and FRANK laugh.)

BOBBY - Finish your story.

MARTIN - Well I told her that if she ever needed anything, to call me.

BOBBY - Smart man. Always get the number!

MARTIN - Yeah but she called and asked me something real crazy.

BOBBY - What she ask you?

FRANK - Why didn't you tell me all this? When did you meet her?

MARTIN - Cuz you be spazzin' out man.You stress out too much!

FRANK - Well this is kinda stressful times don't you think?

(They all laugh.)

FRANK - I'm just happy to be talking regular for once!

MARTIN - Anyway, can this be between us and you Bobby?

BOBBY - Absolutely man. This stays right here. You can trust me. No bros, nobody else.

MARTIN - Okay. Well, she called me and asked me to find Mona and hurt her. So I figured its an assignment from her big sisters.

BOBBY - Wait wait, let me get this straight. She wants you to find Mona the AKA and hurt her?

MARTIN - Yep. She wants me to do something to this chick like slash her tires or something I guess. But I don't know why.

BOBBY - I wouldn't pay attention to it. I don't know what thats about to be honest.

MARTIN - Okay.

BOBBY - And the reason Mona is not recognizzed by the AKAs is because she supposedly didn't do shit to get in. She didn't pledge.

MARTIN - Oh, okay.

BOBBY - Listen Frank, you too quiet. I'm about to go take a leak but when I get back, I want you to ask me some shit.

FRANK - Okay, I will.

(BOBBY gets up.)

BOBBY - I'll be right back.

(BOBBY starts to walk out.)

BOBBY - Martin, , help Frankie with his nervousness and his lame ass questions.

MARTIN - Okay, ha ha ha ha.

(BOBBY walks out of the room and into the bathroom. He immediately pulls out his cell phone as he locks the bathroom door.)

JASON - Wassup.

BOBBY - Dude, where are you? I need you to call your girl Kim. Some shit is up with the Zetas and Mona Ferguson! Wait til I tell you this shit!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DR. MWATSUMI is in his office. He is grading papers when there is a knock on the door.

DR. MWATSUMI - Come in.

SEAN - Hey brother.

SAIFA - Hello Dr.

DR. MWATSUMI - Brothers! To what do I owe this wonderful visit?

SAIFA - I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd stop by.

SEAN - And I saw him walking across campus so I thought I'd come too.

DR. MWATSUMI - Good. I'm glad you did.

SAIFA - Did we catch you at a bad time?

DR. MWATSUMI - Absolutely not! I can finish grading these later. Actually, I'm glad you good brothers are here. We need to talk. Please sit... sit.

(They both sit down.)

DR. MWATSUMI - The campaign plans are going real well.

SEAN - Oh yeah? Great! What's the latest?

DR. MWATSUMI - Looks like I have support from a few people. Friends from over the years, powerful Ahpla alum.

SAIFA - That's great.

DR. MWATSUMI - And that will assist in the long term.

SEAN - Yeah.

DR. MWATSUMI -But what's more important right now is my new campaign. Its grass roots.

SAIFA - What do you mean?

DR. MWATSUMI - Take a look at this...

(DR. MWATSUMI reaches into his desk and takes out some folders. He opens the one on top.)

DR. MWATSUMI - How does this grab you? Pretty powerful.

(DR. MWATSUMI holds up a small sign that reads A New Ahpla U.)

SAIFA - Wow, that's nice.

SEAN - And it rhymes. Cool.

DR. MWATSUMI - Its like a presentation. Like power point. Here is the next one.

(He puts the first one down and picks up the second one.)

DR. MWATSUMI - This is a picture of the new campus.

SEAN - Wow! That looks like a space station more than a campus!

DR. MWATSUMI - It's time my brothers to go to the next level.

SAIFA - Well I agree with you there.

DR. MWATSUMI - And take a look at this one. This is one the students can hold up at our sports games.

(He picks up the third sign. It reads, We Don't Back Down One Iota.)

SAIFA - You're using the name of the frat in a slogan?

DR. MWATSUMI - Isn't it great! How about this one!

(His next sign reads, from ahpla to ahpla I.)

SEAN - I? What does the I stand for?

DR. MWATSUMI - Institute! We will change the university with its criteria to Ahpla Institute.

SAIFA - Why?

DR. MWATSUMI - Because that will give it an I in the name!

(silence)

SAIFA - You're joking right?

DR. MWATSUMI - No. But that's nothing. Wait til you see this!

(SEAN and SAIFA sit in shocked silence as the doctor opens the next folder and opens it up.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SETH starts to push his way into the bathroom.

SETH - Who the hell is in there.

(As the door opens, he hears a voice from the inside.)

MONA - Wait! Wait! I'm not dressed!

SETH - Who the heck are you?

(The door opens and SETH sees MONA.)

SETH - Hey!

(She steps aside and he walks into the bathroom. She is fully dressed. He steps into the bathroom.)

SETH - What the hell are you doing in here!

MONA - Shhhhhhhhhh!

SETH - Shhh my ass! Why are you hiding up in the frat house? You shouldn't be in here!

MONA - Look, I just came here to see my sister alright?

SETH - Your sister? Who the heck is your sister?

MONA - One of the Zeta pledgees.

SETH - How did you get up here?

MONA - Don't worry about that. Just help me get out here without anyone noticing.

SETH - How in the world am I gonna do that? There are bros and sorors everywhere!

MONA - Well think of something!

(silence)

SETH - Wait a minute...

MONA - You got an idea?

SETH - ... yeah I got an idea alright! You were with that punk Kappa that my line brother got into the fight with.

MONA - Huh? What are you talking about?

SETH - My line brother Calvin got into a fight with a Kappa and you were with him that night!

MONA - Yeah. That was a misunderstanding. No big deal.

SETH - No big deal? Is that your man? He disrespected my boy and my frat! What's up with that?

MONA - Look, I said that it was a misunderstanding and its over with okay? Why you bringing all this up now?

SETH - I'm bringing this up now because I don't appreciate you hiding out in my frat house bathroom and then being the same chick that was probably dissin' my boy right along with your man!

MONA whispers - Will you keep it down! Do you want your sorors to know I'm up here!

SETH - I don't care!

MONA - Look um... what did you say your name was?

SETH - I didn't say.

MONA - I'm Mona. What's your name?

SETH - Seth.

MONA - Fine Seth... listen. I'm only here because of my sister. I needed to see her. There's no way your sorors were gonna let me just roll up in here and see her. And that's my little sister okay? I don't care what anybody says, she's my sister first.

SETH - This aint got nothing to do with your sister or you mother or you daddy for all I care. This is about that Kappa Mike and you being his girl.

MONA - You don't pay attention do you?

SETH - Huh?

(MONA takes a step toward SETH.)

MONA - If you were listening, I said that its over.

SETH - That shit aint over! Because when any one of my bros sees that nigga Mike, its gonna be...

MONA - No silly, I mean me and Mike. Its over.

SETH - What? It is? Yall broke up?

MONA - Yeah. He's too shady and carries too much drama. I ended it with him a while ago.

(She steps closer to SETH and takes his hand.)

MONA - But tell me a little more about yourself... Seth.

SETH - Um... I'm just...

(MONA grabs SETH and pulls him close.)

MONA - You don't have a girl... do you Seth? Cuz you're kinda cute?

SETH - Well... I... uh...

(MONA starts to kiss SETH passionately.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DR. MWATSUMI pulls out another sign.

SAIFA - What in the world is that?

DR. MWATSUMI - School's new acronym. Institute of The Ahpla.

SEAN - Institute of The Ahpla? That doesn't sound right. I kinda liked Ahpla U. Has a better ring to it.

DR. MWATSUMI - Yes but that only give you AU. Look at what our new names gives us.

SAIFA - Let me guess. I. O. T. A.

DR. MWATSUMI - How perceptive you are my brother.

(DR. MWATSUMI smiles.)

SAIFA - Sir, let me make sure I understand you.

DR. MWATSUMI - Yes.

SAIFA - You're planning to change the status and name of the school from a university to an institute, just so the school can have an I in the name and so that the acronym can be I.O.T.A.?

DR. MWATSUMI - It's a start.

SAIFA - No, its crazy.

DR. MWATSUMI - No, what is crazy my brother is Mrs. Ferguson. You should see some of the things that she is proposing! What a silly and selfish woman she is.

SEAN - Like what? What kinds of things is she proposing?

DR. MWATSUMI - For example, she wants to build an Ahpla University Hotel. Something alumni can contribute to and stay in when they are in town or when they are here for the homecoming festivities.

SAIFA - That sounds like a good idea actually.

DR. MWATSUMI - But do you know how much something like that would cost?

SEAN - Yeah, I guess. That would be expensive huh?

DR. MWATSUMI - Indeed. The school needs to be interested in raising funds, not spending funds. That is very counter productive to what we need to do. What kind of leadership direction is that?

SEAN - Yeah! Yeah!

DR. MWATSUMI - Also, she wants to raise tuition rates on all upper classmen just to pay for a new entertainment complex on campus! You pay more money so you can get more distractions from education? Tuition equals video games.

SAIFA - What kind of entertainment complex?

DR. MWATSUMI - I don't know. It's just a rumor.

SAIFA - Then how can you state it like its fact?

DR. MWATSUMI - I'm only telling you what I hear.

SAIFA - Then... you can't... I mean, are you hearing this from a reliable source?

DR. MWATSUMI - Very reliable. I can't reveal my source though.

SEAN - Top secret info huh? Ha ha ha ha.

DR. MWATSUMI - You can say that Sean, I guess you can say that.

SAIFA - It just seems like this whole thing is a battle between you and her and not for the position of presidency and for the students..

DR. MWATSUMI - Oh not at all. I don't have anything against that witch.

(SEAN busts out laughing. So does the doctor.)

DR. MWATSUMI - I'm only fooling around. I have the advancement of this univ... I mean, this... institute... as the focal point of my campaign.

SAIFA - I hope so.

(His phone rings.)

DR. MWATSUMI - Excuse me brothers, duty calls.

SAIFA - No problem.

SEAN - Yeah Colin, handle your business.

(DR. MWATSUMI reaches for his telephone and turns his chair around.)

DR. MWATSUMI - This is Dr. M.

MELINDA FERGUSON - Dr. M, this is Melinda Ferguson. I think we need to sit down and talk.