Episode 1

DR. BROOKS - Derrick, you are not the father.

BOBBY - Oh my God!

DERRICK - I'm... I'm not?

DR. BROOKS - No you're not.

BOBBY - I'm a father! I'm really a father!

(CARYN stands up.)

CARYN - No! There must be some mistake! This can't be! I don't want Bobby as my baby father! I want Derrick! Check it again!

DR. BROOKS - Well wait a minute...

(DR. BROOKS continues to read.)

DR. BROOKS - ...Bobby you aren't Lil Derrick's father either.

(silence)

BOBBY - What?

(Everyone is staring at DR. BROOKS.)

CARYN - Excuse me?

DR. BROOKS - Bobby isn't the biological father either.

CARYN - What! That's impossible! I didn't sleep with anyone else! Honestly I didn't! Doc this can't be right!

DR. BROOKS - No this test is quite accurate but...

CARYN - That's impossible! That shit is impossible!

DR. BROOKS - But wait wait, the notes here say that through some testing we were able to detect the bioligical father.

CARYN - You were?

DERRICK - How did you do that? How is that possible? Who is it?

DR. BROOKS - Well we were able to match DNA samples with a prior patient of the hospital who was admitted a few years ago.

(The doctor looks up over his thin rimmed glasses at CARYN.)

DR. BROOKS - Caryn your son's father is...

(DR. BROOKS returns to the paper to read.)

DR. BROOKS - ...his name is...Nino Kevon Daniels.

(silence)

(CARYN is shocked and speaks so soft she almost whispers.)

CARYN - Excuse me?

CANDACE - What did you just say?

(Before the doctor answers, CANDACE turns in her chair and looks straight at CARYN.)

CANDACE - You... and...and... Nino? You... slept... with my...

(CARYN slams the door behind her and locks it.)

CARYN thinks - Fuck him! His sorry ass!

(CARYN pulls her panties down and sits on the toilet.)

CARYN thinks - Damn! I never thought Gregg would be like this!

(CARYN can hear GREGG from outside the bathroom door.)

GREGG - Yo, why you trippin'? What the hell?

CARYN - Leave me alone!

(GREGG tries to open the door but its locked.)

GREGG - I can't believe you're pissed because I wanna wear a condom! Most chicks are the other way around!

CARYN - I told you, with a condom I don't feel it! It aint no point in doin' it!

CARYN thinks - Especially if I wanna get pregnant by your pretty ass!

(CARYN laughs to herself.)

GREGG - Well I'm sorry, I don't roll like that unless you wifey. And you know you aint wifey.

CARYN - Yeah I know dammit! You aint gotta keep sayin' it!

GREGG - Well if you aint with it, then you just aint with it!

CARYN - Well you know what then...

(CARYN glances in the corner of GREGG's bathroom and notices something.)

CARYN thinks - Oh shit! Yes!

CARYN - ...uh Gregg baby, I think you're right! I'm sorry boo! We should be more careful. You can wear a condom if you want. I don't want to be gettin'... pregnant or nothin'!

GREGG - Are you sure?

(CARYN smiles as she gets up and walks toward the corner of the bathroom.)

CARYN - Yeah baby, I'm sure!

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SHARONDA is in her room reading the official handbook of Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority incorporated.

SHARONDA thinks - Hmmmm, interesting.

(SHARONDA flips more toward the middle of the book.)

SHARONDA thinks - Let's get to the juicy stuff!

(She reads a little bit.)

SHARONDA thinks - Oh you've got to be kiddin me! Ha ha ha ha!

(SHARONDA reads more until there is a knock on the door.)

SHARONDA thinks - Damn! Party's over. Oh well.

(SHARONDA closes the book and takes it with her to the door to give to ANDY.)

SHARONDA thinks - I'll never look at SGRhos the same! Ha ha ha ha ha!

(She opens the door.)

SHARONDA - Denise?

DENISE - Hey, wassup. You busy?

SHARONDA - Uh naw... come on in.

(DENISE walks in. SHARONDA looks down both directions of the hall. She doesn't see anyone so she closes the door.)

DENISE - You expecting company?

SHARONDA - Well yeah, Andy is stopping by. I need to give her this book. That's all. What's wrong with you?

DENISE - I need to talk to you. That's all.

SHARONDA - Is something the matter?

(silence)

(SHARONDA places the book down on the table.)

SHARONDA - Denise, what's the matter with you?

DENISE - It's Brandon. Things aren't working out right now.

SHARONDA - Really? What's the matter?

(They both sit down.)

DENISE - I don't know, I mean, I still love him of course. But for some reason, we just fight and pick at each other. The last two times we hung out I got a headache just from being so frustrated by him.

SHARONDA - Really? I had no idea.

DENISE - Yeah.

SHARONDA - So have you guys...

(There is a knock on the door.)

SHARONDA - Oh hold on soror, this is probably Andy now.

DENISE - Okay.

(SHARONDA gets up and opens the door.)

MONA - Hey cuz.

SHARONDA - Uh... hey.

(MONA just walks in. SHARONDA still doesn't see ANDY.)

SHARONDA - Mona I'm kinda in the middle of...

MONA - Hi Denise.

DENISE - Hey Mona.

MONA - Are you okay?

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XAVIER and APRIL have walked to the office of The Sands, the school newspaper for Ahpla University. They went out for a little fresh air and XAVIER begins working on the article about the fight at Amgis College between the Kappas and the Alphas.

XAVIER - This thing is such a shame. Ya know? Grown Black men acting like children.

APRIL - I know, I hate it.

XAVIER - Don't they know violence never solves anything? And do they understand how much we have to lose?

(He keeps typing.)

XAVIER - I mean its so crazy. I interviewed most of my frat brothers that were there, two Alphas and a few students. And I still don't really know the legitimate reason for the fight. Is that not dumb?

APRIL - That is crazy.

(APRIL walks up and stands behind XAVIER's chair. She begins to stroke the back of his neck.)

XAVIER - And I'm trying my best to write this as unbiased as I can, being a Kappa ya know?

APRIL - Well you're a wonderful writer, so that shouldn't be hard.

XAVIER - Yeah right!

(XAVIER laughs.)

XAVIER - Thanks for the compliment, but I'm far from wonderful.

APRIL - I think you're wonderful.

(APRIL smiles as XAVIER spins around in his chair to face her.)

XAVIER - Uh huh... and now you sound biased!

(They both laugh as APRIL bends over to kiss XAVIER.)

XAVIER - But thanks anyway. Ha ha ha.

(APRIL smiles as she checks her watch.)

APRIL - Oooh, I gotta run.

XAVIER - Where you headed?

APRIL - I gotta catch up with Octavia. She's upset because I left. We were supposed to be hanging out tonight and believe me, that's rare for Octavia.

XAVIER - Oh yeah?

APRIL - She's a book worm and never goes out. So she just finished one of her harder exams and I convinced her to come out, then I bounce. Hee hee hee!

XAVIER - See there!

APRIL - It's your fault!

XAVIER - I know I know. Well tell her I said sorry.

APRIL - Yeah, uh huh. I should make you make it up to her instead of me!

(They both laugh.)

APRIL - So I'll call you when we're done. Okay?

XAVIER - Yeah, that's cool.

(They kiss one more time. XAVIER then stands up. He opens his arms to hug APRIL.)

XAVIER - Listen, thanks for... you know, for earlier. For listening and for... understanding.

APRIL - Of course.

XAVIER - I'm lookin' forward to seein' you when you get back.

APRIL - Don't say that because I might not leave!

(The both laugh as they hug. XAVIER then helps APRIL with her jacket and she walks toward the door.)

APRIL - See ya later Z.

XAVIER - Bye bye.

(APRIL walks out the door, gets ten feet away and starts to pump her fists really fast.)

APRIL thinks - Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

(She laughs to herself as she skips across the street and back toward the dorm to me up with her sorors.)

APRIL - Wait til sorors hear this news! Oh my God I can't believe this! Thank you Jesus!

LARRY - Wow, you hit the lottery? You sure look happy!

(APRIL didn't even notice LARRY walking across the street as well.)

APRIL - Hey frat!

LARRY - Hey, wassup girl?

(She jumps up and hugs him tight.)

APRIL - Hey! Hey! I got some good news!

LARRY - I suppose so! Wow, what's happenin'? Did they decide to turn Good Times into a movie or something?

APRIL - Ha ha ha ha, no silly! My prayers have been answered!

LARRY - Huh? What are you talkin' about?

(APRIL smiles big.)

APRIL - Me and Xavier are a couple!

(silence)

(LARRY doesn't smile.)

LARRY - Wh... what?

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CARYN - I'll be right out okay Gregg?

GREGG - Yeah, I'm gonna lay down and wait for ya.

CARYN - Okay sweetie, be right there!

(CARYN reaches down and picks up the small trash can in the corner of GREGG's bathroom.)

CARYN thinks - If I can't do this the old fashioned way, I'll do it the shady way!

(In the trash can, CARYN notices a condom. A used condom. She takes it out and holds it up to the light.)

CARYN thinks - Yep! Just like I thought... still full.

(CARYN carefully turns the condom inside out, trying not to spill what is contained in it.)

CARYN thinks - Carefull... careful...

(She then stoops down and with two fingers, inserts the condom into herself, inside out.)

CARYN thinks - Oooooh, messy!

(CARYN moves her fingers around to fully distribute the sperm left inside the condom inside of herself.)

CARYN thinks - I gotta make sure this works! Pretty boys make pretty kids! Hee hee!

(CAYRN moves her fingers a few more seconds, then pulls the empty condom out and places it back in the trash.)

CARYN thinks - Okay, let's see how potent you really are Mister G!

(CARYN places the trash can back in the corner and washes her hands.)

CARYN thinks - I might be shady...

(She smiles at herself in the mirror.)

CARYN thinks - ... but I always get what I want! And Gregg... I want your baby!

CANDACE - You... slept... with my...with my Nino?

(CARYN snaps back and looks at CANDACE, then at DERRICK.)

CANDACE - You slept with Nino?

CARYN - Uh...

BOBBY - Oh shit! I don't believe this shit!

(CANDACE starts to get out of her chair.)

CANDACE - You slept with Nino!

DERRICK - Candace wait...

CARYN - Yeah! Yeah I slept with your precious Nino! I did it with Nino!

CANDACE - What!

(CANDACE leaps from her chair and reaches for CARYN's throat. She knocks several things off DR. BROOK'S desk. The doctor jumps back in his chair and drops the papers he was reading.)

CANDACE - No! No! I'll kill you!

(DERRICK quickly grabs CANDACE and BOBBY grabs CARYN.)

CANDACE - You bitch! I'll kill you!

(CANDACE is screaming and crying at the same time while CARYN is laughing.)

CARYN - I guess the jokes on you huh! On all of you! Nino cheated on Candace and now we have a son together! Ha!

(CARYN immediately becomes loose from BOBBY, quickly opens the door to the doctor's office, and runs out.)

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MONA visits her cousin SHARONDA.

(SHARONDA gets up and opens the door.)

MONA - Hey cuz.

SHARONDA - Uh... hey.

(MONA just walks in. SHARONDA still doesn't see ANDY.)

SHARONDA - Mona I'm kinda in the middle of...

MONA - Hi Denise.

DENISE - Hey Mona.

MONA - Denise are you okay? You look upset.

SHARONDA - Uh Mona, this is kinda a bad time. We were... right in the middle of something.

MONA - Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

SHARONDA - It's okay. Let me call you later.

MONA - Sure, sure. Well hope you feel better Denise.

DENISE - Thanks Mona.

(MONA turns to leave.)

SHARONDA - Hey cousin, thanks for understanding. I'll call you later okay?

MONA - Yeah that's cool. Holla.

(SHARONDA opens the door and MONA walks out. SHARONDA closes the door behind her.)

SHARONDA - Sorry 'bout that.

DENISE - That's okay. Anyway, we just don't get along Sharonda. I mean, when we first hooked up, he was doing all these nice things for me. He got me flowers once for no reason, and then he would give me these cards.

SHARONDA - Like Hallmark cards?

DENISE - Yeah but they weren't bought. Like he would create the card himself and write all the nice stuff inside of it. They were so sweet.

SHARONDA - Yeah, that's nice.

DENISE - We never go out anymore, or if we do, we argue. We can't agree on a movie. We can't agree on anything.

SHARONDA - Hmmm. I guess the courtship is over huh?

DENISE - Huh?

SHARONDA - Now that he got you, he doesn't have to court you anymore. That happens to a lot of guys.

DENISE - Yeah, that is exactly it.

SHARONDA - But let me ask you this. How have you been courting him?

DENISE - Courting him?

SHARONDA - Yeah. Who says you can't give flowers to a guy. When was the last nice thing you did for Brandon? Or do you sit back and wait and complain that he hasn't done nice things for you in a long time?

DENISE - Well...

SHARONDA - Uh huh.

DENISE - But I do do nice things for Brandon. I do things all the time.

SHARONDA - Like what?

DENISE - Um... this one time...

(There is a knock on the door.)

SHARONDA - This has to be Andy. Let me get it while you search the memory banks of your mind for a nice thing you've done for your man.

DENISE - Shut up!

(They both laugh as SHARONDA opens the door.)

SHARONDA - Finally!

ANDY - Huh?

(SHARONDA laughs.)

SHARONDA - Two people came over, and each time I thought it was you. So I'm glad this time it is you.

ANDY - Oh. Ha ha ha.

SHARONDA - Come on in, I know you're dying to get your stuff back.

ANDY - I know you know the deal. Don't ask me how the book got out, but I really appreciate your call. Thanks a lot Sharonda.

SHARONDA - Sure no problem. Hey, I know how it is. We greeks need to stick together, ya know?

ANDY - Of course.

SHARONDA - You know Denise right?

DENISE - Hey Andy.

ANDY - Yeah, hi Denise, how you doin'?

DENISE - Cool.

SHARONDA - Okay, here's your... uh...

(SHARONDA looks on the table where she had put the book down to answer the door earlier.)

SHARONDA - It was just right...

(She looks under the table on the floor.)

SHARONDA - What the heck, it was just right here. Denise, did you see that book that I was sitting right here?

DENISE - I really didn't notice. I know you said Andy was coming over to get a book from you.

SHARONDA - Yeah, I had it here two seconds ago...

ANDY - Are you sure you had it in this room? Maybe it's in your bedroom.

SHARONDA - I'm positive. I had it in my hand when I opened the door for Denise because I thought it was you.

ANDY - Uh huh.

SHARONDA - And then I put it down right here...

(SHARONDA thinks.)

SHARONDA - ...and then I opened the door for...

(She pauses.)

SHARONDA - Oh my God!

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APRIL has just revealed to LARRY that she is now dating XAVIER.

LARRY - What... you're a what with who?

APRIL - Me and Xavier are a couple! Isn't that off the chains! Oh my God!

LARRY - Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Pull the train back in the station!

(LARRY looks upset.)

APRIL - What?

LARRY - You're with Xavier now? That wasn't the plan!

APRIL - The plan? What plan?

LARRY - God April! What's the matter with you?

APRIL - Larry what the hell are you talking about?

LARRY - You weren't supposed to take the bait April! You weren't supposed to bite!

APRIL - Larry you're not making any sense, what bait? Bite what?

LARRY - Lawd Jeerus April! What the hell were you thinking?

APRIL - Okay Larry stop! Calm down, tell me what you're saying because I am really confused right now.

(LARRY takes a deep breath.)

LARRY - Okay, tell me what happened, what did you do?

APRIL - He called me, I went to see him, we talked, and he told me his issues with dating and becoming close and intimate with someone. It was all very emotional and then he asked me if I really wanted to be his girl.

(LARRY sighs, closes his eyes and shakes his head.)

APRIL - Of course I said yes, and the rest is history... or present I should say. This literally just happened.

(silence)

APRIL - What?

LARRY - April, you and I spoke. We spoke several times. You told me how you felt and I told you what you should do.

APRIL - Yeah?

LARRY - Never once did I tell you to make yourself his girl, I never told you that.

APRIL - Well what the hell was the point then? That was the overall goal.

LARRY- No it wasn't!

APRIL - Yes it was.

LARRY - No, no it wasn't.

APRIL - Then what was the point Larry?

LARRY - The point was to torture Xavier, the point was to get him thinking one thing, then thinking something else, then thinking something else.

APRIL - What!

LARRY - Then thinking something else.

APRIL - Why in the world would I want to do that Larry? That's stupid as shit!

LARRY - Then thinking something else.

APRIL - Larry!

(LARRY stops.)

APRIL - Larry, you sound stupid. Why would you want me to torture Xavier like that?

LARRY - Because the goal April, wasn't to make him your boyfriend, but it was to make him jealous.

APRIL - Make him jealous? Jealous of what?

(LARRY pauses.)

LARRY - Jealous of me and you when we hook up!