The brothers of Alpha Phi Alpha are picking up the candidates for membership intake. In doing so, they are surprised to find MAX and TERRANCE in bed together... naked.
LARRY - We shouldn't just barge in. That's not cool.
BOBBY - Shut up.
(BOBBY is using his key to try and open MAX's locked door.)
LARRY - No wait, this is mad shady... we can't just go up in a nigga's room.
BOBBY - I said shut up, I almost got it!
LARRY - But wait...
(BOBBY pops the door open.)
BOBBY - These dorm doors are the worst! Come on.
LARRY - No wait!
(The brothers start to walk in.)
ALPHAS - I got a feeling! I got a feeling brothers, I got a feeling! That some...
(Everyone pauses.)
BOBBY - Oh shit!
(The brothers see MAX who is snoring loudly laying beside TERRANCE who is sleeping... naked.)
LARRY thinks - Oh no!
(silence)
(QUINTON looks at BOBBY who looks at JASON. All three then look back at the bed.)
BOBBY - Oh hell no! Hell no!
MAX - Huh? Whu... what happ...
(MAX starts to wake up, as does TERRANCE.)
BOBBY - Get the hell up! What the hell is goin' on here!
MAX - Huh? Hey, what's goin'...
(MAX picks his head up and sees a lot of people in his room. He is immediately startled.)
MAX - Hey!
(He sits up and grabs a cover to cover himself.)
TERRANCE - Who are all these people!
QUINTON - Who the hell are you?
(TERRANCE grabs the cover to cover himself which pulls it off of MAX. MAX is naked too.)
MAX - Hey!
BOBBY - I knew it! I knew there was some shady shit with you! I knew it!
MAX - What are you doing in here!
TERRANCE - Get out!
BOBBY - Oh you are so not on our line anymore! We're out of here!
(BOBBY furiously turns to leave. QUINTON, JASON and REGGIE are still there in shock. LARRY is standing there as well.)
REGGIE - Um... I think we oughta go.
QUINTON - Max... we didn't...
JASON - Hey sorry man. If we... I mean we wouldn't have barged in like this.
LARRY - Yeah, we didn't know.
MAX - Look, I think you guys need to go. I told you Larry, I'm not interested in pledging anymore.
JASON - You're not interested?
MAX - No. I changed my mind and I told Larry. Could you please...
(MAX motions down that he is naked under the covers as is TERRANCE. The entire scene is very awkward and uncomfortable.)
QUINTON - Uh... yeah, sure man.
(The Alphas turn to leave. LARRY is the first one out. REGGIE is last and he closes the door behind himself as he enters the hallway.)
REGGIE - Oh my God!
BOBBY - I don't know why yall shocked! I told you it was something about that motherfucker! I knew there was something! I couldn't put my damn finger on it, but I knew there was something!
FRANK thinks - What happened in there?
JASON - Come on you two, let's go.
(The two new initiates, FRANK and MARTIN walk behind the brothers down the hall.)
BOBBY - I knew it! I knew it!
QUINTON - Oh calm down man. You were right for once okay? Lets dead it.
(BOBBY stops walking.)
BOBBY - No lets not dead it! I told you idiots what the deal was and yall didn't listen! Especially him!
(BOBBY points to LARRY, then turns to him.)
BOBBY - You knew that nigga was a fag! Didn't you!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The brothers of Kappa Kappa Psi are on the football field with their pledgees. The pledgees are doing push ups because BRENDON messed up another assignment.
KAI - Yall are gonna push the earth and I don't care if we stay out here til tomorrow!
(BRANDON is standing with his thumb in his mouth, making drum noises, while his line brothers do push ups. They are tired and sweating.)
KAI - What's the count pledgee Trouble Clef?
JOHN - Eighty... nine Big Brother Kai Kai Psi!
KAI - Eighty nine? Are you sure?
(MARK starts laughing.)
JOHN - Yes Big Brother!
KAI - I think you're wrong Trouble. Why don't you start all over again. For Sticks here. Because Sticks thinks you're wrong and I do too!
BRENDON thinks - Damn! Damn!
JOHN thinks - I'm gonna kill Brendon!
KAI - Start counting out loud this time.
JOHN & TONY - One! Two! Three!
(KAI walks over to BRENDON.)
KAI - So Little Brother Sticks, how does it feel to be personally responsible for your line brothers agony and pain?
BRENDON - Boom, da da da da boom boom boom...
KAI - Oh I forgot, you gotta talk in beats. Ha ha ha ha!
(KAI turns away shaking his head. He walks over to MARK.)
MARK whispers - Hey, how long you gonna have em out here?
KAI - I don't know. What you think? They can't do much more of this.
MARK - Yeah. Steve just called me and said he can't make it. He has a quiz tomorrow that he has to study for.
KAI - That's cool.
MARK - And you know Prof wants to see us in his office.
KAI - He does? Why?
MARK - Dude, you didn't get his email?
KAI - Naw.
MARK - I think Brendon fell asleep during practice or something so he wants a report of the pledgee's activities and shit. Just to make sure we aint over workin' em.
KAI - Over workin' em? Please!
(MARK laughs.)
KAI - Well what time does he want to see us?
MARK - He said anytime this afternoon. So you tell me.
(KAI looks back at the pledgees struggling on the ground.)
JOHN & TONY - ...eighteen... nine...
BRENDON - Boom tat a tat boom tat a tat tat... boom boom...
KAI - Yeah, we can get ready to get them out of here. Let's send them on an assignment or something.
MARK - Okay cool. That will free us up for a few hours.
KAI - Yeah. I need to go see my girl too. Damn she trippin'.
MARK - Yeah, and I need to go see your mother.
KAI - Nigga shut up!
(They both laugh.)
KAI - Notes!
(They stop doing push ups and look up. Sweat is pouring from their faces.)
KAI - On your feet.
(They quickly get up.)
MARK - Okay listen up. We got an assignment for you guys. We want you to fools to go to the library together. And each do a book report on your instrument.
BRENDON thinks - Sounds easy.
MARK - As it relates to Appalachian music.
BRENDON thinks - What!
MARK - Understand?
PLEDGEES - Yes Big Brother Organized Noise!
MARK - Get out of here!
(They start to grab their belongings and hurry away.)
MARK - Oh, and by the way... you got three hours! Be back at the band room then with a fully typed up report!
JOHN thinks - Shit!
MARK - Don't mess this up! Especially you Sticks!
BRENDON - Yes Big Brother Organized Noise!
(The three run away. As soon as they turn the corner they stop. JOHN and TONY are breathing heavy and have their hands on their knees.)
BRENDON - You guys okay?
(silence)
(silence)
TONY - We would be...
(silence)
TONY - ...if we wasn't on line with your sorry ass!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Alphas are walking down the hall, still shocked at what they witnessed in MAX's room a few minutes ago.
(BOBBY points to LARRY, then turns to him.)
BOBBY - You knew that nigga was a fag! Didn't you!
LARRY - What!
QUINTON - Hey! Chill with that!
MARTIN thinks - A fag?
(MARTIN and FRANK look at one another.)
BOBBY - That was your boy! Why was you defending him so hard!
LARRY - Nigga I'll kick your...
(REGGIE separates BOBBY and LARRY. So does QUINTON.)
REGGIE - Hey! Hey you fools! We're in public!
(They remember they are standing in a hallway, as well as in front of the new initiates. BOBBY turns to storm off again.)
BOBBY - Well I know you all agree with me that that nigga is out! We gonna have two! We gonna pledge two!
LARRY - He said he wasn't down no more anyway.
BOBBY - And what if he was? What if he still wanted to be an Alpha? You'd let him wouldn't ya?
(LARRY doesn't respond.)
BOBBY - I knew it!
LARRY - I aint got time to be arguin' with you over some petty bullshit! We got work to do so shut up and lets get goin'!
BOBBY - Petty? You call that nasty ass shit petty?
JASON - Hey!
(Everyone is quiet as they get to the elevator.)
JASON - Now that's enough! We can talk about this later but as of right now, we got some work to do!
(JASON pushes the button for the elevator to go down. QUINTON then pushes the up button.)
JASON - Where you going?
QUINTON - I'll meet yall at the house in a few minutes. I gotta stop off and see Alexis real quick.
JASON - Okay cool.
(The up elevator comes first.)
QUINTON - I'll see yall in a few minutes at the house.
JASON - Okay.
(The elevator door closes after Q gets in.)
QUINTON thinks - Oh my God! Oh my God!
(He rides the elevator up to ALEXIS's floor.)
QUINTON thinks - I can't believe what I just saw! Oh shit!
(QUINTON steps off and hurries to her door. He knocks.)
ALEXIS - Hey babe.
QUINTON - Hey. Did I leave my bag in here?
ALEXIS - Yeah, you sure did. You need it now?
QUINTON - Yeah, I actually do.
ALEXIS - Okay.
(QUINTON walks in but holds the door open. She comes back with his bag.)
ALEXIS - What's wrong?
QUINTON - Nothing.
ALEXIS - Yeah right. What's wrong?
QUINTON - Just some chapter drama. You know how it is.
ALEXIS - Yall stay up in some drama. Gosh.
QUINTON - Oh you have no idea.
ALEXIS - You gotta rush off?
QUINTON - Yeah, I gotta go.
ALEXIS - You can't stay five minutes?
QUINTON - Naw babe, I gotta go.
(ALEXIS throws her arms around QUINTON.)
ALEXIS - Five minutes... please?
(She kisses him.)
QUINTON - I'd love too sweetness but I really...
ALEXIS - Just...
(kiss)
ALEXIS - ...five...
(kiss)
ALEXIS - ...minutes...
(kiss)
ALEXIS - ...promise.
(kiss)
(kiss)
QUINTON - Okay okay... five minutes...
(ALEXIS smiles as she uses her foot to close the door.)
QUINTON - But you know I aint no five minute brother!
(They both laugh.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CARYN walks in the library holding LIL DERRICK's hand. They walk up to the information desk.
LIBRARIAN - Hello can I help you?
CARYN - Hi...um I have a research project that I'm supposed to do and I was wondering where I would go for the...
LIL DERRICK - Maaaaaaa!
CARYN - Hold on baby...
LIL DERRICK - Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
CARYN - I said hold on.
LIL DERRICK - Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
CARYN - Okay okay!
(CARYN picks him up and starts to take out her breasts to put in his mouth.)
CARYN - Yeah, so I got this research project for one of my classes and I don't know where to find...
LIBRARIAN - Uh excuse me, you can't do that here!
CARYN - Do what?
LIBRARIAN - You can't pull... that... out.
CARYN - What? My breast? Its made for feeding.
LIBRARIAN - Well you can't feed out here in the open like this, in the library.
CARYN - Well do you guys have a breast feeding room?
(LIL DERRICK is sucking away.)
LIBRARIAN - Of course not! You'll have to do that in the bathroom!
CARYN - Do you eat your lunch in the bathroom? Shit!
LIBRARIAN - And why is that kid still breast feeding anyway? He's too old for that.
CARYN - Do you have a son?
LIBRARIAN - I most certainly do. My son attends college here at Ahpla.
(CARYN turns to walk away.)
CARYN - Yeah, well I bet he's breast feeding as we speak! I'll find the research myself thank you very much!
(CARYN walks away, carrying a breast feeding LIL DERRICK.)
CARYN thinks - Okay, now where the heck do I find...
(CARYN sees her friend DONNA speaking with CANDACE.)
CARYN thinks - Oh Lord! Ha ha ha ha ha!
DONNA - Candace, I got something I need to tell you.
CANDACE - Sure Donna. What's up?
(DONNA inhales slowly and exhales heavily. She starts to frown.)
CANDACE - Listen, like I said, you don't have to tell me if you still want to pursue Sigma. You can think about your decision and get back to me if you want. Take your time.
DONNA - No, this isn't about that.
CANDACE - Oh. Well then what's up?
(DONNA pauses before she speaks.)
DONNA - This is about... you...
CARYN - Hey hey hey!
(DONNA turns around and sees CARYN walking toward her carrying LIL DERRICK under her shirt.)
DONNA thinks - Shit!
CARYN - Wassup ladies!
CANDACE thinks - Oh God!
CARYN - I didn't get invited to the party!
(CARYN drops her bag and sits down.)
CARYN - What's goin' on? What yall talkin' bout?
DONNA - Why the heck are you still breast feeding that boy?
CARYN - Oh not you too? Because he loves it that's why. I want him to grow up good lookin...
(CARYN looks over at CANDACE smiling.)
CARYN - ...like his daddy. So breast milk is the best thing for him!
(CANDACE sighs.)
DONNA - Do you have to keep bringing that up?
CARYN - Oh hush.
CANDACE - Listen, um... I need to be going. I got some things I gotta take care of.
(CANDACE grabs her bag and starts to get up.)
CARYN - Bye bye Candace.
(CARYN smiles as CANDACE starts to walk away.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BRENDON - What!
TONY - You heard me man! You keep getting us in trouble!
BRENDON - It aint my fault! Kai has it out for me! He keeps messin' with me!
JOHN - He does mess with Brendon more than the two of us.
BRENDON - See! Its because I'm in his section and he knows I play better than him!
JOHN - You do.
BRENDON - I know I do!
TONY - Well I don't care about all that! All I'm sayin' is I aint tryin' to do no more push ups! I'm bout to get buff messin' round with you!
(They start walking toward the library in silence. Then all start to laugh.)
BRENDON - Hey guys, I'm sorry. For real.
JOHN - We know you aint messin' up on purpose Bren. You're just naturally stupid.
BRENDON - Aw man shut up!
JOHN - I was wondering why Kai kept picking on you man. For real, I did notice it.
BRENDON - That nigga is jealous. He always has been.
JOHN - Yeah, maybe you're right.
BRENDON - I know I'm right. First of all, he can't play a cadence like I can. Look how many cadences I made up this semester alone.
JOHN - Uh huh.
BRENDON - Secondly, his girl always be starin' at me when we play. You ever notice that?
TONY - Yeah right!
BRENDON - No, I'm serious man! Check it out the next time we play. You'll see.
TONY - Negro, I aint got time to be checkin' you out when we playin'. I got a big ass tuba to carry around! I aint lookin' at yall!
(They all start laughing.)
TONY - And speaking of not having time, we need to hurry up! How the hell we gonna get this report done in three hours? Appalachia? Do they even have shit like that in our library?
JOHN - I hope so! Come on!
(They begin to hurry toward the library until BRENDON stops.)
TONY - What? Why you stoppin'?
(JOHN and TONY stop and look back at BRENDON.)
BRENDON - What the fuck!
JOHN - What? What happened?
(BRENDON is looking at a flier posted on the yard.)
BRENDON - Look at this!
(TONY and JOHN come back and look at the flier.)
TONY - Oh shit!
(It is a flier with BRANDON's picture on it. BRENDON takes it down and reads it out loud.)
BRENDON reads - Beware! Ladies are now put on notice! Avoid this man at all costs! He is a DOG! He DOGGED me and he will DOG you! He is a real heart breaker, a cheat and a liar! Avoid this triflin two minute brother!!!!
(BRENDON looks up at TONY and JOHN.)
JOHN - What the hell? Who would put something up like this about your brother?
BRENDON - Denice! I can't believe she would...
(BRENDON looks across the yard. The fliers are everywhere.)
BRENDON - Oh my God! There's like hundreds of these all over the place!
TONY - Damn!
(silence)
TONY - Aight well come on! We're losing time!
BRENDON - Wait, I can't leave these fliers out, you guys gotta help me snatch these down!
TONY - What? And miss the assignment from the big brothers?
JOHN - Yeah Bren, we gotta get this one done. You keep messin' em up and we keep paying for it.
BRENDON - Yeah but look at this...
(He shows them the flier again.)
BRENDON - ...this is fucked up...
TONY - I know... but what you gonna do?
(BRENDON looks around the yard. He looks back at the flier, then to the yard again.)
BRENDON thinks - Dammit!
BRENDON - I gotta take these down guys. I have to.
(TONY runs off toward the library. JOHN stands with BRENDON.)
JOHN - I'm sorry man... I'm sorry.
(JOHN runs toward the library too.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
QUINTON kisses ALEXIS as he finally leaves her place.
QUINTON thinks - Damn! Now I'm late!
(He looks at his watch as he hurries for the elevator.)
QUINTON thinks - Bros are gonna kill me! Five minutes my ass!
(QUINTON laughs to himself as he pushes the down button on the elevator.)
QUINTON thinks - I hope bros didn't start without me. Damn I can't believe Max is gay! And we walked in on...
(QUINTON shutters as if he were cold.)
QUINTON thinks - God!
(The elevator comes and he steps on.)
QUINTON thinks - That is some wild shit! And now we gotta deal with Bobby's ass with the I told you so's for the rest of the semester!
(The elevator slows down on MAX's floor.)
QUINTON thinks - Oh God I hope this aint Max! I don't even wanna see him... what the heck would I say?
(QUINTON steps back as the door opens. He sees TERRANCE step on... and MIKE behind him. TERRANCE looks QUINTON directly in the face, then looks away quickly.)
MIKE - Well well well... if it aint Mr. Black and Gold.
(QUINTON doesn't respond.)
MIKE - What's the matter? Frat got your tongue?
(The elevator door closes and they start to go down.)
MIKE - You see Terrance...
(MIKE turns to TERRANCE.)
MIKE - ...some guys hide behind their frat. I aint sayin' no names or nuthin', I'm just sayin'. But what it all comes down to is who got heart.
(QUINTON sighs and puts his hands in his pockets.)
QUINTON thinks - I should kick his punk ass!
MIKE - And Nupes got heart. You know what I'm sayin'? Nupes got heart. So you definitely pursuing the right move Terrance. You making the right choice.
QUINTON thinks - Pursuing?
(QUINTON looks at TERRANCE who looks back at him.)
QUINTON thinks - Oh shit!
MIKE - Speaking of which,
(MIKE turns back to QUINTON.)
MIKE - ...I heard yall got some boys starting. Care to share who yall got? Who's... pursuin'... A Phi A?
(MIKE smiles.)
QUINTON - You know what Mike... yeah, I got something to share with ya.
(QUINTON looks at TERRANCE. The elevator door opens on the first floor.)
QUINTON - You're right Mike. You're absolutely right. My bad for all the hate. Terrance, good luck in your pursuit. Kappa Alpha Psi is most definitely the best fraternity for you!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CANDACE gets up to leave DONNA and CARYN.
CANDACE - Donna I hope to hear from you soon.
DONNA - Uh... yeah.
(LIL DERRICK is still slurping, making loud noises.)
DONNA thinks - Damn! Damn!
(CANDACE is walking away.)
DONNA - Uh... Candace, one more thing.
(DONNA gets up to follow behind CANDACE. But CARYN grabs DONNA's hand.)
CARYN - Hey, when you get back I need to talk to you about something special. I'm glad I ran into you today. I'm gonna be taking Lil Derrick to church and I want you to be his official godmother. I was talking to this guy that I met about that and I think it would be real nice. So I'll tell you all about it when you get back okay?
DONNA - You want me to... go to church with you?
CARYN - Of course I do. You're my girl. We dogs aint we?
(DONNA looks up at CANDACE who has stopped. Then back at CARYN who is seated and holding her hand.)
DONNA - Yeah Caryn. We are.
(CARYN smiles and lets go of DONNA's hand. She holds LIL DERRICK.)
DONNA - I'll be right back.
CARYN - Okay girl.
(DONNA skips along to catch up with CANDACE.)
DONNA - Let me walk you out okay?
CANDACE - Sure.
(DONNA begins to hurry out.)
CANDACE - Hey, is everything okay? You seem like something's wrong.
DONNA - I just wanna... I just need to talk to you before I change my...
(DONNA stops talking as they exit the library and walk outside.)
DONNA - Candace, I got something to tell you. I was trying to tell you before but Caryn walked up and kind of threw my train of thought off.
(CANDACE laughs.)
CANDACE - Yeah, she tends to do that to a person.
DONNA - Well anyway... gosh this is hard.
CANDACE - Don't worry, you can tell me anythi... oh my goodness!
DONNA - What?
(DONNA turns around and sees that CANDACE is looking right past her.)
CANDACE - Isn't that Brendon on that poster? Your friend?
(DONNA sees the flier that DENICE posted about BRANDON. CANDACE walks over and grabs it.)
CANDACE - What's this?
(Her and DONNA read it.)
DONNA - This isn't Bren, this is Brandon his twin.
CANDACE - Oh. Well what in the world is this?
(DONNA takes it from CANDACE.)
DONNA - Look Candace, I don't know what this poster is about and right now I don't care.
(CANDACE takes the flier back.)
CANDACE - But isn't this your friend? I mean, this is messed up that somebody put this up on the...
DONNA - Candace! Listen to me! I got something I need to tell you!
(CANDACE looks up at DONNA, directly into her face.)
CANDACE - Okay! Okay! You got my attention! What's so important that you must tell me right now?
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